It's been a few days since my last post and I thought I would give you all an update. The cramping has subsided and physically I've been feeling really good. Emotionally I'm pretty much just going through the motions of everything and taking it one day at a time. Four more days till our pregnancy test and I feel like I should be looking forward to it, but I'm not. Somehow I feel like I'm cheating myself of an event that should be joyful.
This morning I was getting ready for work and when I stood in front of the mirror putting on my eyeliner it dawned on me that I will never look at a child and say he/she has my eyes, my smile, my odd sense of humor, or any other feature for that matter. I suppose this is just part of the grieving process that I will have to endure on my own.
Jim continues to give me daily injections of progesterone and butt is very sore. In fact, I've officially retired my right butt cheek. For some reason my left cheek handles the injections better and I don't seem to be as sore on that side. I spend much of my evening sitting on a heating pad praying for some relief. I've also changed injection sights for the heparin since I've run out of spots on my stomach. Not to mention, my stomach looks like a war zone and it needs some time to heal.
I also realized today that if the pregnancy test on Monday comes back negative then I can discontinue my injections and my period will start soon after. Unfortunately, that means I will dealing with my period while in Canada. I know this period will be heavier then normal and probably more painful since my uterine lining is so thick. I'm really not looking forward to dealing with this while in Canada and would prefer to be at home where I can mope on my own. Oh well, at least I'll have Jim with me...
Jim leaves tomorrow to start his trek to Canada and I'll be joining him on Tuesday afternoon. In the meantime my cousin will be administering my progesterone injection since I can't reach my butt on my own. I'm not sure if she has ever injected a human or not (she's a veterinary assistant) and I sure hope she doesn't try to shave my butt....just kidding. Either way, I can easily walk her through it.
1 comment:
If, in fact, you do have a horrible period next week I think it's good that you and Jim will be together. So much grieving for one family. I keep praying every day that you will get the strength to deal with all this. Love, J
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