Earlier this week I was cleaning out the refrigerator and found our last bottle of champagne sitting on the bottom shelf. I quickly realized that Jim and I had been saving that bottle for our impending pregnancy and were going to use it to celebrate. We received the bottle as a gift when we moved into this house and now the bottle sits lonely on the bottom shelf...aging, with no pregnancy to celebrate. Every time I open the fridge I'm reminded of that bottle and its significance.
Mother's Day is around the corner and every year I dread that day. I thought this year would be the first year that I could actually celebrate Mother's Day and have something to be thankful for. Now, I have no desire to celebrate that day. So maybe I can convince Jim to go out of town that weekend...
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Saturday, April 14, 2007
April Showers?
I've never really understood the weather of New Mexico, one minute it's sunny and warm and the next minute it feels like December. Yesterday we woke up to a few inches of snow and blizzard like conditions. This morning I was standing outside staring at my tulips with the sun beating down upon me and it was comforting to feel the warm heat. There's also no evidence outside that we received a flake of snow yesterday.
When the snow hit my tulips were in full bloom and I didn't know how or if they could survive. When I was staring at them this morning they actually looked rather depressed....very droopy (sp?). Anyhow, I took two pictures to share with all of you and maybe you can give me your opinion as to whether or not they'll survive a few more weeks.
Keep in mind I won't be upset if they don't make it, I'm actually wanting to get rid of them and replace them with rose bushes. The tulips reside in the garden in the front of the house. Last summer I was in the middle of tearing out that garden before I had my appendix removed and once I fully healed from that surgery I never went back to the garden. So, once the tulips go away I plan on ripping them out and completing my work. Anyway, here are those photos:
Sunday, April 8, 2007
Little Maggie Mae
What a busy and interesting day it was. It's just after 9pm here and I've pretty much just now sat down for the first time today. Our day started with church at 8am and then Jim and I came home and I started cooking dinner. I decided to cook Easter dinner this year and it turn out very yummy. It was just the four of us for dinner and as usual I cooked to much food...it was all very good though.
Mom got a kitten about two weeks ago and she decided to bring little Maggie Mae over to the house for a "play date" so to speak. Although, I'm not sure who the play date was really for....little Maggie, our cats, or us. Maggie seemed to have had a good time with Nanook and Corki but Sasha on the other hand wasn't so happy to see her new friend. I think all of us got more of a kick out of Sasha then we did Maggie. None of us could come near Sasha without her making some really funny noises. And for those of you that don't know Sasha well, she's not normally a vocal cat and she's usually pretty quiet. Anyway, here are a few pictures and Maggie taken today:
Here's two pictures of Maggie sniffing around the laundry room (Sasha would let her leave).
Here's a picture of Corki and Sasha sleeping together on Nanook's bed. Notice I still have those ugly Motel 6 curtains in the family room.
Sunday, April 1, 2007
Softball Season Is Here
Today was our first softball practice for the season and the weather was awesome! I was actually kicking myself for not wearing shorts. After much debate I decided to play this year...I originally wasn't going to play and then Friday night I decided to play. Since Jim and I have had so much going on the last two months I really wasn't interested in playing, then I decided I needed the exercise. The IVF meds took a toll on my body and I gain at least 15 pounds. So I'm pretty much playing just so I can try and lose the extra weight. I don't plan on doing as many tounaments this year and I'm even thinking about just doing to local tournaments.
As I was getting ready this afternoon I couldn't help but think I shouldn't be playing. I never intended to play this year as I was hoping to be fat and pregnant. Unfortuantely, life never works the way you want it. After ten years my physical body has been run down as a result of all of the meds. I've had two breast tumors removed thus far and I've increased my risk overian cancer considerably. Oh well, it's not like I can turn back the biological clock.
Jim spent the majority of the weekend working in his shop. He was hoping to finish today but ended up with a lazy streak and didn't get everything completed. Since he didn't complete everything I don't have any pictures to share with everyone. Maybe in a few days he'll get it completed and I can shot some photos.
As I was getting ready this afternoon I couldn't help but think I shouldn't be playing. I never intended to play this year as I was hoping to be fat and pregnant. Unfortuantely, life never works the way you want it. After ten years my physical body has been run down as a result of all of the meds. I've had two breast tumors removed thus far and I've increased my risk overian cancer considerably. Oh well, it's not like I can turn back the biological clock.
Jim spent the majority of the weekend working in his shop. He was hoping to finish today but ended up with a lazy streak and didn't get everything completed. Since he didn't complete everything I don't have any pictures to share with everyone. Maybe in a few days he'll get it completed and I can shot some photos.
Friday, March 23, 2007
The Beauty of The Falls
We have internet again here at the house so I am able to share these photos with all of you. Just a warning...expect several photos.
It's very wet at the falls and my hair hates the humidity so I look like I just stepped out of the shower.
These pictures are all of the American side of the falls, not as nice, but the ice formations are amazing!
I had to include this photo of the US/Canadian border...I thought it was a cool tourist picture.
It's very wet at the falls and my hair hates the humidity so I look like I just stepped out of the shower.
The following pictures are all of the Canadian side of the falls.
These pictures are all of the American side of the falls, not as nice, but the ice formations are amazing!
Lots To Think About
For those of you that check this site often I apologize for the long wait between posts. Jim and I finally returned from Canada on Sunday after a long drive. My flight was cancelled out of Buffalo on Friday and I was forced to drive back with Jim. Well, my flight was kind of cancelled...the flight I thought I was suppose to be on was cancelled but in reality I wasn't suppose to leave Buffalo until Monday. Apparently, my sweet sister didn't book my flights correctly...oh well I survived the drive home.
Also, we haven't had internet at the house for most of this week. Jim is in the process of changing our internet provider and hopefully we'll have it up and going by the end of the weekend. In the meantime, I'm using my work computer for all of my internet needs...something I'm not comfortable doing. Anyhow...
Canada was pretty cold the entire time we were there and overall we had a wonderful time. After Jim picked me up from the airport on the 13th we drove straight to Niagara Falls. Since Niagara has been extremely cold we were able to see lots of ice formations in the water. I took loads of pictures but have yet to move them off of the camera. I hope to download those pictures this weekend when we get the internet up and going again. Jim also gave me the grand tour of Toronto and we did lots of walking in the downtown area. All in all we had a pretty good time.
Okay, moving on to our latest infertility news. For those of you that are wondering how Jim and I are holding up we still taking things one day at a time. As for me, I continue to feel devastated at the prospect of not being able to bare children. I feel less and less of a women and I feel very isolated and let down. I've been keeping to myself for the last two weeks not really wanting to talk to anyone...just my way of handling things I suppose. I imagine I'll emerge from this "shell" eventually but I'm not sure when. Today is actually one of my better days and I'm not feeling as depressed today as I have.
We had our "final" appointment with Dr. Thompson yesterday and our options were laid out in front of us. We were told that we could do another round of IVF with my follicles and Jim's sperm using the assistance of ICSI (a process of injecting a single sperm cell directly into the follicle) to see how my follicles reacted. However, ICSI was an option for us but Dr. Thompson seriously doesn't recommend using my follicles....my follicles are that bad. I really didn't get any indication as to why my follicles are so bad...nothing in my past could have given us a clue that this would have happen. A part of me, the part that can't seem to let go, would really like to try ICSI once, but then reality sets in and I know the cards are stacked against us. Not to mention the financials aspects of all of this and financially we can't take that large of a risk.
So where do we go from here? We actually have two other options in front of us....donor eggs and donor embryos. With donor eggs we could either pick a donor or the office could recruit a donor. Recruits typically come from students at the university needing cash and we would be presented with a picture and a profile of the candidate(s) and then Jim and I would chose which candidate we liked best. Or, we could "size" up our young friends (she has to be younger then 35) and use them as a donor. After Jim and I discussed this option we decided that we would rather use a recruit rather then someone we know. Jim just feels like it would be to weird for him if we knew the donor. I will respect his feelings and lean on the side of an anonymous donor.
We also have the option of using donor embryos. These are embryos already frozen in time that former patients have decided to donate to couples like us. This option is considerably cheaper then donor eggs, but the child would have no biological ties to either Jim or I. I'm not sure which option Jim and I will chose but more then likely it will boil down to our financial needs. I'm still secretly hoping that Ed McMan makes a surprise visit to the house, or that the Powerball fairy comes by the house sometime soon. Whichever option we chose it will be a few years before we can afford to do anything....we need to payoff the existing loans first.
Also, we haven't had internet at the house for most of this week. Jim is in the process of changing our internet provider and hopefully we'll have it up and going by the end of the weekend. In the meantime, I'm using my work computer for all of my internet needs...something I'm not comfortable doing. Anyhow...
Canada was pretty cold the entire time we were there and overall we had a wonderful time. After Jim picked me up from the airport on the 13th we drove straight to Niagara Falls. Since Niagara has been extremely cold we were able to see lots of ice formations in the water. I took loads of pictures but have yet to move them off of the camera. I hope to download those pictures this weekend when we get the internet up and going again. Jim also gave me the grand tour of Toronto and we did lots of walking in the downtown area. All in all we had a pretty good time.
Okay, moving on to our latest infertility news. For those of you that are wondering how Jim and I are holding up we still taking things one day at a time. As for me, I continue to feel devastated at the prospect of not being able to bare children. I feel less and less of a women and I feel very isolated and let down. I've been keeping to myself for the last two weeks not really wanting to talk to anyone...just my way of handling things I suppose. I imagine I'll emerge from this "shell" eventually but I'm not sure when. Today is actually one of my better days and I'm not feeling as depressed today as I have.
We had our "final" appointment with Dr. Thompson yesterday and our options were laid out in front of us. We were told that we could do another round of IVF with my follicles and Jim's sperm using the assistance of ICSI (a process of injecting a single sperm cell directly into the follicle) to see how my follicles reacted. However, ICSI was an option for us but Dr. Thompson seriously doesn't recommend using my follicles....my follicles are that bad. I really didn't get any indication as to why my follicles are so bad...nothing in my past could have given us a clue that this would have happen. A part of me, the part that can't seem to let go, would really like to try ICSI once, but then reality sets in and I know the cards are stacked against us. Not to mention the financials aspects of all of this and financially we can't take that large of a risk.
So where do we go from here? We actually have two other options in front of us....donor eggs and donor embryos. With donor eggs we could either pick a donor or the office could recruit a donor. Recruits typically come from students at the university needing cash and we would be presented with a picture and a profile of the candidate(s) and then Jim and I would chose which candidate we liked best. Or, we could "size" up our young friends (she has to be younger then 35) and use them as a donor. After Jim and I discussed this option we decided that we would rather use a recruit rather then someone we know. Jim just feels like it would be to weird for him if we knew the donor. I will respect his feelings and lean on the side of an anonymous donor.
We also have the option of using donor embryos. These are embryos already frozen in time that former patients have decided to donate to couples like us. This option is considerably cheaper then donor eggs, but the child would have no biological ties to either Jim or I. I'm not sure which option Jim and I will chose but more then likely it will boil down to our financial needs. I'm still secretly hoping that Ed McMan makes a surprise visit to the house, or that the Powerball fairy comes by the house sometime soon. Whichever option we chose it will be a few years before we can afford to do anything....we need to payoff the existing loans first.
Monday, March 12, 2007
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