I'll be the first to admit that there have been times in my life when I should have been sent away in a straight jacket. Undergoing IVF is certainly no exception. I haven't even started taking any synthetic hormones yet and already I'm unbearable to be around. Since the moment that we walked out of the CCRM clinic, my emotions have been all over the board. I want nothing more to be a mother but can't understand why we have to spend so much money on something that ordinary people get for free, or worse take for granted. Where did I go wrong in my life to deserve this fate? Long ago I stopped attending baby showers and it pains me to no end to see a pregnant women. Even worse, I always seem to get to get the pregnant employees at the office and I often listen to them complain about being pregnant. I want nothing more than to scream at the top of lungs how blessed these women are for the gift that has been bestowed upon them. They still don't listen. My wonderful mother doesn't seem to help this either. She's always been quick to point out a cute baby in my presence and it hurts knowing that I can't give her the blessing of a grandchild.
I hit my all time low in 2008 when a tumor was discovered on my spinal cord between L1 and L2 vertebrae, followed by six weeks of radiation therapy. Just before undergoing the necessary back surgery, I turned to my husband and said, "please write on my tombstone..greatest legacy never achieved." Obliviously my condition wasn't severe enough to bring me to deaths doorstep, but the thought of not having children was enough to kill me. I was afraid that this latest illness would certainly be the end of my fertility. Which of course was my biggest fear heading into our first official appointment at CCRM. After talking to our new Endocrinologist he informed me that the radiation therapy could have thinned the walls of my uterus...making pregnancy extremely dangerous. After undergoing an ultrasound we luckily learned that I had no residual effects from the radiation to my uterus.
I seriously need to pull myself out of this funk before I'm sent to my own private desert island...
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Friday, January 21, 2011
Electro Shock Therapy
It didn't take long for me to become an acupuncture believer! I've been an acupuncture patient for over six months, but it only took a few small treatments for me to become addicted. I would highly recommend the practice, even if you are not trying to conceive. Acupuncture can be used as a way to relieve pain and relieve stress. You might also be surprised to know that acupuncture is very relaxing. It isn't usual for me to leave the office in what can only be described as an acupuncture coma. So much so that I often wonder if it's safe for me to drive. I've seriously gotten into my car and said to myself, "should I be driving?" Luckily, I've always made it home safely.
If you have any fear of needles, it's time to put those fears behind you! The first few times, it's a little disturbing to look down on your stomach and see a handful of needles sticking out of you like a science experiment. I recently had a new spin placed upon me during my last acupuncture appointment. I actually had electro shock therapy on my back. I'm still a little undecided if I liked it or not, but it is necessary at this point. Unfortunately while we were in Denver we learned that the blood flow to my uterus is incorrect. Very incorrect. Apparently the blood is flowing in reverse. Imagine my surprise when our nurse announced that information to me! Seriously, how does that happen? Is there some internal switch that tells your body, "no, I think it's time to flow in the other direction." And on the same token, how do you get it to flow in the proper direction? In case you haven't figured out the answered to that question is...electrco shock therapy. Now imagine my horror as my acupuncturist announced my therapy. I honestly don't know the science behind it, but supposedly the electricity corrects everything in 8 simple treatments.
Here's how the protocol works. Needles are inserted up and down my spine on each side, and also on my upper butt. Finally, needles are inserted in the back of my calves. Then (here's the kicker) they attach jumper cables to some of the needles and turn on the electricity. Okay, so not actual jumper cables...but you get the point. Finally I get to lie there for 1/2 an hour with the electricity turned on. It's not exactly comfortable, but it doesn't really hurt either. Somehow this is all suppose to correct my blood flow issue. I need to have 7 more treatments of this prior to our scheduled transfer. Due to my hectic work schedule, I can only see my acupuncturist once a week (for those of you that don't know, my acupuncturist is in Albuquerque..which is a 2 hour drive each way). If I ever have extra time, I can go twice a week for those treatments and if it was up to me, I would opt for twice a week...but work has me downing at the moment.
If you have any fear of needles, it's time to put those fears behind you! The first few times, it's a little disturbing to look down on your stomach and see a handful of needles sticking out of you like a science experiment. I recently had a new spin placed upon me during my last acupuncture appointment. I actually had electro shock therapy on my back. I'm still a little undecided if I liked it or not, but it is necessary at this point. Unfortunately while we were in Denver we learned that the blood flow to my uterus is incorrect. Very incorrect. Apparently the blood is flowing in reverse. Imagine my surprise when our nurse announced that information to me! Seriously, how does that happen? Is there some internal switch that tells your body, "no, I think it's time to flow in the other direction." And on the same token, how do you get it to flow in the proper direction? In case you haven't figured out the answered to that question is...electrco shock therapy. Now imagine my horror as my acupuncturist announced my therapy. I honestly don't know the science behind it, but supposedly the electricity corrects everything in 8 simple treatments.
Here's how the protocol works. Needles are inserted up and down my spine on each side, and also on my upper butt. Finally, needles are inserted in the back of my calves. Then (here's the kicker) they attach jumper cables to some of the needles and turn on the electricity. Okay, so not actual jumper cables...but you get the point. Finally I get to lie there for 1/2 an hour with the electricity turned on. It's not exactly comfortable, but it doesn't really hurt either. Somehow this is all suppose to correct my blood flow issue. I need to have 7 more treatments of this prior to our scheduled transfer. Due to my hectic work schedule, I can only see my acupuncturist once a week (for those of you that don't know, my acupuncturist is in Albuquerque..which is a 2 hour drive each way). If I ever have extra time, I can go twice a week for those treatments and if it was up to me, I would opt for twice a week...but work has me downing at the moment.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
From the Beginning
I wasn't sure where to begin in the timeline of this blog and I wasn't sure which topic to tackle first. I have so many ideas flying in my head that I honestly don't think there will be enough space out here to compile everything. So where do I begin? I suppose like everything else, it's best to start from the beginning. Which means in order for you to understand our quest, you must first understand how Jim and I landed on IVF's doorstep.
I'll spare you most of the details from my prior attempts to get pregnant during my first marriage. While I'm sure that my first marriage will creep in here from time to time I'm really not in the mood to discuss it tonight. With that said, I'll start when my life really mattered...when I met Jim. Jim and I decided to start a family pretty much right off the bat. In fact I think we went through some testing and a few IUI's prior to the wedding. I remember thinking that since our relationship started in reverse than it would be perfectly normal to start a family prior to the actual wedding. And so that's what we did...
New Mexico doesn't pride itself on having the greatest medical care and the field of infertility isn't any different. In fact the entire state only has one Endocrinologist....Dr. Thompson resides his practice in Albuquerque. I had been a patient at Dr. Thompson's office prior to meeting Jim, but I was uncomfortable using him again as I was afraid Dr. Thompson would look at us as a cautionary tale. Through the grapevine I had learned that there was a Endocrinologist that practiced at UNM Hospital. Dr. Magarelli splits his practice between Albuquerque and Colorado Springs. Dr. Magarelli is equipped to perform IUI's at his UNM office, but he needs to send his patients to Colorado Springs for those undergoing IVF.
Before I continue, I feel like I need to define a few terms so that all of us are on the same page. IUI translates to intrauterine injection and is commonly refereed to as artificial insemination...as a joke you'll also hear it called turkey basting. During this procedure on the day of ovulation, sperm is collected, washed, and injected back into the woman's uterus. Nature is than allowed to do it's own thing and hopefully eggs will fertilize in their natural environment. IVF translates to in-vitro fertilization and is sometimes still refereed to as test tube babies. In this procedure, a woman's follicles are removed from the ovaries (by way of surgery), sperm is collected, washed, and then both sperm and follicles are allowed to interact in a small petri dish until the sperm penetrates a follicle. Once the follicles are fertilized than the fertilized product is injected/transferred back into the uterus.
Anyway, under Dr. Magarelli's care Jim and I decided to try a few IUI's. Obliviously the IUI's were unsuccessful, but I did get one positive pregnancy test. The pregnancy didn't last long and Jim and I were heartbroken. We met with Dr. Magrelli numerous times while we were at his office and each time we sat down with him, we felt he was more of a used car salesmen than a doctor. He was constantly trying to sell us on IVF and we always felt like new patients as Dr. Magarelli went to great lengths to educate us on how a pregnancy occurs...as if we didn't already know. Needless to say, at some point we decided that Dr. Magarelli wasn't the right fit for us and we should probably make our way to Dr. Thompson's office.
When Jim and I first met with Dr. Thompson I expressed my concerns to him about my prior experiences with his office and he seemed genuinely sympathetic and willing to work with us. We decided to skip the IUI's and go straight to IVF. Our first IVF cycle started out well. I responded well to the prescribed medication and all of the ultrasounds came back normal. On the day of retrieval, 5 follicles were removed and allowed to mingle in the petri dish with the prepared sperm. When I called the next day to inquire about fertilization, the nurse gave no indication that anything was wrong. A few days later when Jim and I arrived for our scheduled transfer, we were told that there was a problem with the fertilization. Typically one sperm enters the follicle and no other sperm are allowed to enter. Unfortunately in my case, I had several sperm that entered each follicle and when this happens the follicle doesn't divide properly and eventually dies off on its own. This event is known as polyspermy, but its unclear if this is "normal" for my follicles. The only way we'll know if this is a normal occurrence is to undergo another round of IVF.
Jim and I had originally planned to wait a few months before undergoing round two of IVF but our lives quickly got hectic. So we decided to put it off a year while we got ourselves more financially stable. During that year I fell ill and had several setbacks in terms of my health. I'll explain my other health problems in a later post. After I had been healthy for a consecutive year we decided to revisit building our family. A co-worker of Jim's told him about a fertility clinic in Denver that they used and I was quickly placed in touch with his wife. After speaking to his wife, I was confident that Denver was where we needed to be.
I contacted the Colorado Center for Reproductive Medicine in October and was informed that we needed to set-up a phone consult with one of the doctors. After filling out a tower of paperwork, we were scheduled for our phone consult the week of Thanksgiving. As usual I was super nervous prior to this phone call because I was afraid that as a result of my prior medical problems we would be rejected. Thankfully we weren't rejected...in fact we were welcomed with open arms. We were also informed that we needed to schedule an appointment in Denver to undergo a "one day workup". I decided to wait until after the holidays before I called CCRM again to schedule the one day workup. At the beginning of January I called the office and was soon scheduled to have our workup on January 14th.
Jim and I traveled to Denver the night before our appointment and we stayed with my aunt and uncle in Lakewood. Both Jim and I were once again super nervous about these appointments...well at least I was nervous. Jim said he was nervous, but I can't imagine why...his test was a walk in the park compared to what I had to go through. Our day started promptly at 7:30am and we were whisked from one appointment to another while we met with nurses, doctors, undergoing tests, blood work, and signing more paperwork. The entire day was information overload...I mean when we first arrived, we were handed a three-ring binder of information. It was good information though and Jim quickly fell in love with them. I've never met office staff so friendly, so compassionate, and so professional. It was clear that the office held high standards for their staff and we appreciated that.
As we stand today, I'm still undergoing some more tests and we're still waiting for results on some prior testing. We have decided to pursue IVF using CCRM and I'm hoping to have all of our test results by our next scheduled appointment on February 4th.
I'll spare you most of the details from my prior attempts to get pregnant during my first marriage. While I'm sure that my first marriage will creep in here from time to time I'm really not in the mood to discuss it tonight. With that said, I'll start when my life really mattered...when I met Jim. Jim and I decided to start a family pretty much right off the bat. In fact I think we went through some testing and a few IUI's prior to the wedding. I remember thinking that since our relationship started in reverse than it would be perfectly normal to start a family prior to the actual wedding. And so that's what we did...
New Mexico doesn't pride itself on having the greatest medical care and the field of infertility isn't any different. In fact the entire state only has one Endocrinologist....Dr. Thompson resides his practice in Albuquerque. I had been a patient at Dr. Thompson's office prior to meeting Jim, but I was uncomfortable using him again as I was afraid Dr. Thompson would look at us as a cautionary tale. Through the grapevine I had learned that there was a Endocrinologist that practiced at UNM Hospital. Dr. Magarelli splits his practice between Albuquerque and Colorado Springs. Dr. Magarelli is equipped to perform IUI's at his UNM office, but he needs to send his patients to Colorado Springs for those undergoing IVF.
Before I continue, I feel like I need to define a few terms so that all of us are on the same page. IUI translates to intrauterine injection and is commonly refereed to as artificial insemination...as a joke you'll also hear it called turkey basting. During this procedure on the day of ovulation, sperm is collected, washed, and injected back into the woman's uterus. Nature is than allowed to do it's own thing and hopefully eggs will fertilize in their natural environment. IVF translates to in-vitro fertilization and is sometimes still refereed to as test tube babies. In this procedure, a woman's follicles are removed from the ovaries (by way of surgery), sperm is collected, washed, and then both sperm and follicles are allowed to interact in a small petri dish until the sperm penetrates a follicle. Once the follicles are fertilized than the fertilized product is injected/transferred back into the uterus.
Anyway, under Dr. Magarelli's care Jim and I decided to try a few IUI's. Obliviously the IUI's were unsuccessful, but I did get one positive pregnancy test. The pregnancy didn't last long and Jim and I were heartbroken. We met with Dr. Magrelli numerous times while we were at his office and each time we sat down with him, we felt he was more of a used car salesmen than a doctor. He was constantly trying to sell us on IVF and we always felt like new patients as Dr. Magarelli went to great lengths to educate us on how a pregnancy occurs...as if we didn't already know. Needless to say, at some point we decided that Dr. Magarelli wasn't the right fit for us and we should probably make our way to Dr. Thompson's office.
When Jim and I first met with Dr. Thompson I expressed my concerns to him about my prior experiences with his office and he seemed genuinely sympathetic and willing to work with us. We decided to skip the IUI's and go straight to IVF. Our first IVF cycle started out well. I responded well to the prescribed medication and all of the ultrasounds came back normal. On the day of retrieval, 5 follicles were removed and allowed to mingle in the petri dish with the prepared sperm. When I called the next day to inquire about fertilization, the nurse gave no indication that anything was wrong. A few days later when Jim and I arrived for our scheduled transfer, we were told that there was a problem with the fertilization. Typically one sperm enters the follicle and no other sperm are allowed to enter. Unfortunately in my case, I had several sperm that entered each follicle and when this happens the follicle doesn't divide properly and eventually dies off on its own. This event is known as polyspermy, but its unclear if this is "normal" for my follicles. The only way we'll know if this is a normal occurrence is to undergo another round of IVF.
Jim and I had originally planned to wait a few months before undergoing round two of IVF but our lives quickly got hectic. So we decided to put it off a year while we got ourselves more financially stable. During that year I fell ill and had several setbacks in terms of my health. I'll explain my other health problems in a later post. After I had been healthy for a consecutive year we decided to revisit building our family. A co-worker of Jim's told him about a fertility clinic in Denver that they used and I was quickly placed in touch with his wife. After speaking to his wife, I was confident that Denver was where we needed to be.
I contacted the Colorado Center for Reproductive Medicine in October and was informed that we needed to set-up a phone consult with one of the doctors. After filling out a tower of paperwork, we were scheduled for our phone consult the week of Thanksgiving. As usual I was super nervous prior to this phone call because I was afraid that as a result of my prior medical problems we would be rejected. Thankfully we weren't rejected...in fact we were welcomed with open arms. We were also informed that we needed to schedule an appointment in Denver to undergo a "one day workup". I decided to wait until after the holidays before I called CCRM again to schedule the one day workup. At the beginning of January I called the office and was soon scheduled to have our workup on January 14th.
Jim and I traveled to Denver the night before our appointment and we stayed with my aunt and uncle in Lakewood. Both Jim and I were once again super nervous about these appointments...well at least I was nervous. Jim said he was nervous, but I can't imagine why...his test was a walk in the park compared to what I had to go through. Our day started promptly at 7:30am and we were whisked from one appointment to another while we met with nurses, doctors, undergoing tests, blood work, and signing more paperwork. The entire day was information overload...I mean when we first arrived, we were handed a three-ring binder of information. It was good information though and Jim quickly fell in love with them. I've never met office staff so friendly, so compassionate, and so professional. It was clear that the office held high standards for their staff and we appreciated that.
As we stand today, I'm still undergoing some more tests and we're still waiting for results on some prior testing. We have decided to pursue IVF using CCRM and I'm hoping to have all of our test results by our next scheduled appointment on February 4th.
Monday, January 17, 2011
Getting Back Into The Saddle
Holy cow, it's been almost three years since I last made a post out here! Let me begin by saying why I discontinued my blog. The original blog was started as a way to update friends and family on our quest to build our family. Jim and I underwent one round of IVF that is detailed here in earlier posts. Unfortunately IVF was unsuccessful for us and today we are still on the same quest. When we stopped IVF the blog turned into more of a diary than my ultimate vision, so I discontinued blogging.
Well here we are three years later and Jim and I have decided to take a leap of faith. We are once again going to the IVF casino and we are certain that we will come out a winner! So this blog will again be used so that all of you can pray for us and follow us through this emotional journey. However, due to the sexual content of this journey some of the posts may become graphic so please be advised. With that said welcome to;
A Girlfriends Guide to Infertility, by Margot and Jim Liberty Our Personal Quest to Build the Family of our Dreams
Stay tuned!
Well here we are three years later and Jim and I have decided to take a leap of faith. We are once again going to the IVF casino and we are certain that we will come out a winner! So this blog will again be used so that all of you can pray for us and follow us through this emotional journey. However, due to the sexual content of this journey some of the posts may become graphic so please be advised. With that said welcome to;
A Girlfriends Guide to Infertility, by Margot and Jim Liberty Our Personal Quest to Build the Family of our Dreams
Stay tuned!
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